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The fifth instruction for the D.E.P.A.R.T.M.E.N.T. Stage 4 Training Module.

lyrics

You have been detected by a rival agency utilising the latest bio-tracking technology. Walk quickly to the nearest nature dominant area, and find a section of grass that you can be seated on.

Close your eyes, so a retina scan cannot be performed, likely leading to your identification.

Slow your breath.

Breathe in for 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and out for 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

And repeat.

Acknowledge every bone in your body, every muscle, every organ – except of course the ones that the D.E.P.A.R.T.M.E.N.T. has removed. No one really knows what a spleen does, after all.

Good work, agent. You have successfully evaded identification.

Resume your covert persona and take a selfie – for that is what normal humans do. Include a location item in the background, so that our agents can log this as an area patrolled by those who seek to destroy us. We cannot allow them to destroy the equipment.

credits

from For Your Ears Only: Stage 4 Training Module, released September 17, 2020

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all rights reserved

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Splendid Chaps Productions Melbourne, Australia

The Splendid Chaps are a Melbourne-based comedy production team comprising writer John Richards, comedian Ben McKenzie, actor/singer Petra Elliott, sound engineer David Ashton and writer Lee Zachariah.

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